burnout

I am so ready to be done with architecture school. This afternoon as I sat in RSAP’s gray, windowless studio, I realized just how difficult it will be for me to motivate myself to work this semester.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I like the fieldwork for the French language and culture classes, and I like the readings for the Replaying Modernism class. Our first film session is this Saturday, and I think I will like the assignments for that class, too. But studio… Ugh, I just can’t do it. I don’t want to do it! I have worked incredibly hard for my professional degree, and so far, it has not been worth it. I feel the need to experience Paris, to really explore what it can do for me professionally (because honestly, I can’t say I will be leaving Rice with tons of contacts). I am tired of giving up my own interests (historic preservation; restoration, renovation; addition; adaptive reuse) for a professor’s hyper-theoretical agenda. I do not want to toil in academia; I want to actually have built work one day! More importantly, I want to have built work that embraces its context and builds upon it with sensitivity.

Sitting in a windowless box for hours on end is not going to help me get where I want to go. While I do not know exactly where that place is, I am beginning to learn where it isn’t. After nine studios, I think I need to be more assertive and design my last semester on my own terms.

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